pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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