i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
