WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I enjoy the company of your penis
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
