He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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