the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
