It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
