I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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