At least make sure they are 18
Why
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
