i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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