I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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