A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
