Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
