I need to stop coming to work sober
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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