Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
