definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
