I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
