I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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