New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
