Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
