I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
