the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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