you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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