You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
