I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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