I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You did what with his pubic hair?
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