I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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