The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
