watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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