Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
