If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize