That's intense
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
