what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize