When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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