Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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