Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
