Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
