Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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