Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize