she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I currently don't understand fingers.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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