Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet