the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We had to coat check the pizza.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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