I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
