When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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