A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
