So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
