I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
