I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
