just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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