put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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