Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
