Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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