There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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