me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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