The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
