TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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