I can't breathe out the right side of my face
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
