I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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