You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
