It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
