heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
