I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
