I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
