You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
