have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
