he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
