Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
