I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
